Caring for Aging Parents

If you’ve noticed some changes in an aging parent or other relative, you might be concerned. It’s difficult to see someone you love showing signs of aging, and you might wonder how to proceed. Here’s some guidance for giving your loved one some extra care – and taking care of yourself along the way.

Does your loved one need help?

Some changes naturally happen with age and aren’t cause for concern. So how do you know if an older parent or relative is truly struggling?
 
Here are some signs that your loved one might need help:

• Their home has become unkempt. Rooms have become cluttered, or it seems that housekeeping has fallen by the wayside.
• There’s lots of expired food in the refrigerator or produce that has gone bad.
• You suspect they’re skipping medication. Pills aren’t getting used or you notice symptoms that suggest they aren’t taking their medication.
• You’re worried about their mental acuity. They’re missing appointments, getting confused or falling for scams.
• Personal hygiene is slipping. Your loved one isn’t bathing regularly or wears the same clothes day after day.
• Your loved one is experiencing extreme mood swings.
• They’ve significantly lost weight.
• The person seems depressed. They may have lost interest in activities they once enjoyed, for example.
• They have bruises or seem to be getting injured a lot.
• They have trouble getting up from a chair or sofa.
• You notice signs of driving difficulties like new scratches or dents on their vehicle.
• Friends or family members have told you they’re concerned about your loved one.

If you notice any of these signs, your loved one may need some assistance.
 
Tell them that you want to make sure that they’re safe and well. Assure them that they’re not alone and that you’re there to support them. Start off with a few small suggestions so you don’t overwhelm them.
 
Then you can gently ease into bigger topics. Suggest that once you get some plans in place, you can do something fun together.

An eye on health

It’s important to understand your loved one’s medical status so you can help them manage health issues. They may value their privacy, so approach the conversation with care and sensitivity. Ask them about any diagnoses, medications, and treatment.
 
You might also speak to their doctor. Keep in mind that privacy laws prevent health care providers from spilling the beans to just anyone. So you’ll need to get written permission from your loved one before talking to their physician.

Addressing money matters

If your parent or older relative has trouble paying bills on time, sticking to a budget or filling out paperwork, you or someone else they trust could help out.
 
Your loved one may resist such help, at least initially. Learn how to have a difficult conversation about money with an older person to ease the way, so you can create an action plan together, along with help from a financial advisor.

Has Your Loved One Become Stubborn?

No one wants to give up their independence, so older adults may refuse help. Accept that you can’t control everything. To keep the peace, choose your battles carefully and, even when frustrated, try to speak calmly and respectfully.

Help with daily living

Does your parent or relative need help with chores like grocery shopping and laundry? Do they need a ride to their doctor’s appointment? You and your siblings may be able to help with some tasks. Seniors can also get help from volunteers who are trained to help with various tasks. Check with local senior centers, your local Area Agency on Aging, or your local or state government. Or use the US Administration on Aging’s Elder Care locator to find local volunteers.
 
If your loved one could benefit from more social interaction, encourage family, friends, and neighbors to drop by from time to time. There are also senior companion services that arrange visits from a friendly volunteer. Contact local senior centers, or local or state government, to find area programs.
 
Meanwhile, keep the lines of communication open with the person’s doctor. If your loved one’s health declines and they need more skilled help at home – or it’s no longer safe for them to live at home – their health care providers can offer guidance and connect you to important resources. Also, State Health Insurance Counseling Programs (SHIPS) offer free counseling to help you understand Medicare and Medicaid benefits so you can make smart choices about ongoing care.

Taking care of yourself

Caring for an aging loved one can be stressful and, at times, overwhelming. So avoid taking on everything yourself. Ask other family members or friends for help, and turn to senior centers for services, expert advice, and support.
 
And while you’re taking care of your loved one, don’t forget to take care of yourself. The better you feel, the better you’ll be able to support your parent or other relative. Eat a balanced diet, do aerobic and weight-bearing exercise, get plenty of sleep and enjoy social activities. Also, try to weave in some relaxation, whether gardening, reading a book or hiking in nature. And if you’re having a bad day, talk to a friend or join an online or in-person support group.
 

 

 
Sources:
 
National Institute on Aging, “Does an Older Adult in Your Life Need Help?” accessed November 22, 2024
 
Aging Life Care Association, “Seven Signs That an Aging Parent Needs Help,” September 5, 2024
 
Aging and Disability Resource Center, “14 Signs Your Aging Parent May Need Help,” accessed November 22, 2024
 
National Institutes of Health, “Getting Started with Caregiving,” accessed November 22, 2024
 
National Institute on Aging, “Services for Older Adults Living at Home,” accessed November 22, 2024
 
Family Caregiver Alliance, “Parenting Your Elderly Parents,” accessed November 22, 2024
 
Family Caregiver Alliance, “Self Care,” accessed November 22, 2024
 

 
This article was created in accordance with the Patelco editorial policy.